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jokez

Discussion in 'General and Trending Stories' started by cjunkie13, Feb 28, 2009.

  1. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    ok tell me i thiz iz funny or not...i found it on a website 4got from where tho...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A drunken man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologised and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her."
    "Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!" she screamed.
    "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
     
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  3. admin

    admin Administrator
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    LOl well it is it made me put a grin on my face lol, could just imagine what his wife is like
     
  4. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    yea...datz y i thought it waz funny...but i of course laugh @ otherz pain if it waz caused n a humourous way...nething serious i tak seriously...neway, thiz waz funny, & i wish i could imagine hiz wife...
     
  5. brbk4498

    brbk4498 New Member

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    lol nahh i didnt get that. hahaha i laughin at the fact i didnt get it. btw a man eat bread and dead
     
  6. LadyDeath

    LadyDeath Senior Marketing Officer
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    U sooooo yag eh..LOL this was kool but i doh eva wanna be that mans wife she horrible!
     
  7. candyann

    candyann New Member

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    lol......i like dat one...
     
  8. RauCous

    RauCous New Member

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    yeah that was funny lol.
     
  9. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    ok...i gotz another joke...itz a blonde joke, so if there r ne blondz out there do not get or b offended...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
    Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
    Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution. By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
    She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
    The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
     
  10. admin

    admin Administrator
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    AHHAHAH now thats funny lol lol typical blonde again lol
     
  11. LadyDeath

    LadyDeath Senior Marketing Officer
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    Jed it have this girl in my class that hates everyone and she told a girl that she should dye her hair blonde bcuz most blonds are dumb Lol
     
  12. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    ok so i got another joke...itz a ar joke which iz pretty funny...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "If I show you a really good trick, will you give me a free drink?" The bartender considers it, and then agrees. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues.

    After the man finished his drink, he asked the bartender, "If I show you an even better trick, will you give me free drinks for the rest of the evening?" The bartender agrees, thinking that no trick could possibly be better than the first. The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny rat. He reaches into his other pocket and pulls out a tiny piano. The rat stretches, cracks his knuckles, and proceeds to play the blues. The man reaches into another pocket and pulls out a small bullfrog, which begins to sing along with the rat's music.

    While the man is enjoying his free drinks, a stranger confronts him and offers him £100,000 for the bullfrog. "Sorry," the man replies, "he's not for sale." The stranger increases the offer to £250,000 cash up front. "No," he insists, "he's not for sale." The stranger again increases the offer, this time to £500,000 cash. The man finally agrees, and turns the frog over to the stranger in exchange for the money.

    "Are you insane?" the bartender demanded. "That frog could have been worth millions to you, and you let him go for a mere £500,000!"

    "Don't worry about it." the man answered. "The frog was really nothing special. You see, the rat's a ventriloquist."
     
  13. LadyDeath

    LadyDeath Senior Marketing Officer
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    Lol i actually had to go and google ventriloquist ...For all the peeps who dunno its a performer who projects the voice into a wooden dummy....

    It was pretty kool
     
  14. RauCous

    RauCous New Member

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    Haha the RAT's one! lol. I thought the man was one lol.
     
  15. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    ok hear iz another bar joke i heard...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring that dog in here!"

    The guy, without missing a beat, says "This is my guide dog."

    "Oh man,” the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door.

    Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a guide dog." The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar where he asks for a drink.

    The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!"

    The second man replies "This is my guide dog."

    The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not have Chihuahuas as guide dogs."

    The man pauses for a half-second and replies "What? They gave me a Chihuahua?"
     
  16. RauCous

    RauCous New Member

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    hahaha lol thats funny! That last guy real smart lol.
     
  17. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    i believe all these thingz can get a man seriously hurt...
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T SAY OUT LOUD AT VICTORIA'S SECRET


    10. Does this come in children's sizes?
    9. No thanks, just sniffing
    8. I'll be in the dressing room going blind
    7. Mom will love this
    6. Oh size won't matter, she's inflatable.
    5. No need to wrap it, I'll eat it here
    4. Will you model this for me?
    3. The Miracle what?!? This is better than world peace!!
    2. $45 bucks?! You're just gonna end up naked anyway!!!!

    And the number one thing that a man should NEVER, EVER say out loud in Victoria's Secret is:


    1. Oh honey, you'll never squeeze into that!!!!!!
     
  18. RauCous

    RauCous New Member

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    lol that just sick.! You shouldn't say any of those things even if your a woman! lol. that too funny.
     
  19. cjunkie13

    cjunkie13 New Member

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    ok...i found another joke dat i thought waz pretty funny...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

    On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

    "What?" said the puzzled groom.

    "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

    "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

    Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

    Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

    Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

    Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

    Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

    Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

    Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

    Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

    "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

    "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"
     
  20. LadyDeath

    LadyDeath Senior Marketing Officer
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    Lol i have read this one many times but its still funny
     
  21. Devil Child

    Devil Child New Member

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    NIGHTMARE

    One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each
    other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little horny.
    With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and

    smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you give me a blowjob?"

    Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"
    Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" He asks grinning at her.
    No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" "Oh come on!
    There's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh
    please,please, I love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too,
    but I just can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" Out of the blue, the light on the stairs
    goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled,
    and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give
    him a blowjob,or i can do it. Or if need be, mom says she can come down
    herself and do it.But for
    God's sake tell him to take his hand off the
    intercom!"
     
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